SDCC: MARVEL’S WORST PROMOTION EVER- Why The Hell Does Mjolnir Need Guards?

All my douchie co-workers are at Comic Con.  The office is freakin’ empty.  I am lonely, and want to cry DAMNIT!  While my fellow writers are mingling with hotshots from Fox, I am stuck talking to myself while not wearing pants.  Yeah, that’s right, I have no pants on.  In fact, this is not the first time you have read my pantless rantings!  Hahaha, rage and jealousy have completely taken me over.

I will make sure all my co-workers suffer.  That’s why I’m currently sitting in UnleashTheFanboy.com’s superstar Steve L’s favorite spin-ey chair.  Have fun at the panels Stevey!

But luckily, I still have my loathing and my pretentiousness. I will do what comic fanboys are best at- HATE.  I will hate as if I am Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.  The thing I will miss least about comic con is Disney/Marvel shoving the damn Avengers down fan’s throats.  The Avengers is the most overrated franchise in all of comics, but fanboys and fangirls refuse to admit it, because they drink the kool-aid and buy whatever Disney tells them too.  So Marvel puts out of a bunch of ridiculous crossovers and millions of Avengers titles such as: New Avengers, Mighty Avengers, the Avengers, Secret Avengers, Uncanny Avengers, Mutant Hating Avengers, Weird Pet Avengers, Stupid-Face Avengers, Aryan Pretty-Boy Avengers… and many more crappy titles.  And at this year’s Comic Con, Marvel is featuring the WORST PROMOTION EVER!

Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir, is on display at the Marvel booth with two Asgardians watching it.  Are you stupid Marvel?  Why the hell do you need two Asgardians to watch over Thor’s Hammer.  Almost no one can lift the damn thing.  It says right on it “Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.”  If someone actually does lift the stupid hammer, they will have the power of a G-D and you are #@$%-ed anyways.

Luckily for the guards, those deemed “worthy” of lifting the piece of crap are always a bunch of kiss@$$es like Thor, Wonder Woman, Beta Ray Bill, and Captain America.  Therefore those who can wield the hammer would never steal it in the first place.  Marvel is paying way too much for two guards to watch a freakin’ hammer that no one can or would steal in the first damn place.  Marvel you fools!

If you want to see all the asinine promotions for movies that will probably ruin your childhood memories, stick with Unleash the Fanboy for all the latest news from San Diego Comic Con.

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Jay Deitcher, LMSW(@mrdeitcher) is an educator on comic history and runs successful Free Comic Book Day events yearly.  You can see a listing of his incredible articles at JayDeitcher.com.

Author
Jay Deitcher is a writer and licensed social worker from Albany, NY. He is currently taking MFA courses at the College of St. Rose. You can read his other work at JayDeitcher.com.
  • Ugh.

    “Jay Bitcher” is probably an unoriginal insult but I’m going with it anyway.

  • Lola

    Because it’s cool? Because those costumes are probably similar to ones we’ll see in the film? Because some idiot fan might try to steal it and Asgardian guards look cooler than security guards? Or maybe just because they want to.

  • Sunstrider

    Or maybe the whole thing was tongue in cheek and nobody knows how to take a joke.

    • Possible.

      So you (we) got Poe’s Law-ed?

      • Sunstrider

        Not sure I understand what you mean here.