wtf: the DK rap

Welcome to WTF, the weekly column where we unearth those long forgotten items of Fanboy-dom and proudly ask…What the F***?

Ahhh, I remember it like it was yesterday…Donkey Kong 64. With the platforming mechanics of Rare’s much more successful Banjo-Kazooie and…well pretty much everything else stolen from Banjo-Kazooie, DK stormed onto the N64 in a surge of mediocrity. But even though his 64 iteration wasn’t the revolutionary success that the SNES’s Donkey Kong Country was, it still left us with one, never-ending treat…The DK Rap.

I can clearly remember the first time I heard this atrocity. Way back in 1999, Donkey Kong 64 was my main Christmas-Hanukkah present. At approximately 10 am on X-Mas morning, after tearing through ten pounds of Pokemon action figures, I found that little square Nintendo box laying on the far side of our misshapen, synthetic pine tree. I remember wrapping my fat little hands around the game as I ripped through the packaging. Like a crack-head on a mission, I slammed the cartridge into my Game-Shark obsessed N64, threw on the expansion pack, and watched the opening credits roll in. And after a few passing moments, I couldn’t help but audibly wonder…”What the F***”.

A Donkey Kong rap? Really?

You had two years to make a great DK game for the N64…and you decided that your best musical choice would be a rap? All the coconut-gun flinging action in the world couldn’t make up for that horrible atrocity.

Nintendo…to you I proudly say WTF?