CONTRARIAN FANBOY: Dolph Lundgren’s Punisher: Great Punisher Film, Or BEST Punisher Film?

It seems that in an age in which we can get Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, Captain America, Iron Man, and even freaking THOR right, we still can’t seem to make a decent Punisher movie. So far Marvel has tried adapting the Punisher three times and, by and large, fans have been pretty disappointed with them. Is there something that is so hard about the concept? Is the idea of an ex-cop driven to a life of vigilantism SO difficult to translate into a film? I mean, just put a guy in a black t-shirt in practically any crimesploitation film from the 1970s and you’ve done NINETY PERCENT OF THE WORK.

Dudes, is it so hard to do this?

I don’t want to slag off the 2004 Punisher film too much, though. It has it’s own charms. The main charm being Thomas Jane who really seems to get what Frank Castle is all about. Sadly, though, he is stuffed into a film that cares way less about The Punisher than he does. The biggest insult to Jane’s work is John Travolta who is as bad, or worse, as Howard Saint than January Jones was as Emma Frost.

By the way, I have to take this moment to plug Jane’s Punisher fan film which, to my mind, is one zillion times better than his 2004 effort.

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As excited as I was about 2008’s Punisher War Zone, I find that it is even worse than Jane’s Punisher film. I like Ray Stevenson and I think that he could be as good a Punisher as Thomas Jane, but I’d never know because this film gave him even less to work with than Jane had. But the real problem is that this film went with a kind of flamboyant style that is as far removed from The Punisher as most fans know him as the 1960’s Batman is removed from the current Batman films.

When in doubt, make the scene neon.

All of that aside, the good and the bad, I’ve not met or spoken to anyone who has really enjoyed the Punisher films, especially Punisher fans. They seem to want something really specific. Something that sticks close to the character and tone of the series and that takes into account that this is still a comic book without being, you know, too comic booky about things.

I know that this is going to sound bonkers, but two of my friends and I share a deep love for the 1989 Punisher film starring Dolph Lundgren. And I think that this film comes closest to what Punisher fans really want.

Even Dolph is surprised that I like this movie.

I will be the first to admit that this film has a lot going against it. It was produced on the cheap in Australia, running off of a script based only loosely on the comics with a lead actor who cannot claim “acting” as a talent.

And yet, I really think it works. There’s just enough of the backstory from the comics there to begin to understand some of the screenwriter’s decisions. If you were a guy like Frank Castle, a guy who watched your family die in a mob hit, wouldn’t you talk to yourself in your subterranean lair in between rat suppers? It’s not the Punisher from the comics, but neither is Robert Downey Jr’s. Tony Stark. And, like RDJR’s Tony Stark, Lundgren’s Frank Castle makes a certain kind of sense.

The film also has a gritty, grainy texture that I absolutely love and I think works perfectly with the material. The low production value translates into cheaper film stocks and, hence, a harsher, dirtier look that is well suited to both the Punisher’s 1970s origins and his better comics outings.

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What I want out of a Punisher film is a gritty, nihilistic story with a hint of humanity, but I also want it to be perfectly balanced between comic book imagination and gritty, 70’s realism. It needs to be a drive-in movie, a marathon movie, a late-night, pizza and beer movie. And, on those terms, Lundgren’s Punisher fits the bill.

I know, I know, Lundgren’s Punisher is low-budget and slap-dash. It’s cheap, and I won’t pretend it isn’t. Some people are going to look at it and see a made-for-tv movie. I can’t fault them for that. But, when I watch it I see a grindhouse movie. A movie based on a character that needs no better, or worse, a treatment.

Motorcycle: check. Angry duckface: double check.