What’s up, fanboys and fangirls! Hyrulians and Kokiris! Goblins and Gerudos! Multi-Verse back at you to shoot you another “load” of a Top 5 lists! This time I’m tackling one of the biggest video game franchises ever: The Legend Of Zelda, and the top 5 reasons we may never see a live-action film! So strap on your Master Swords and guard your loins, ’cause this may get bumpy!
5. Video Game Movies Suck
It has been proven one too many times that Hollywood doesn’t know a damn thing about video games, or how to translate them on to the big screen. For as long as I can remember, video game-based films have been…for lack of a better word, SHIT! Through no fault of thier own, mind you. It’s just Hollywood big wigs have been complete dumbasses when it came to staying true to the source material (or in some cases tried too hard to stay true to the source material when it wasn’t warranted). Yes, we have had those few exceptions when they get it right. The first Mortal Kombat is proof to that (I don’t give a damn what anyone says, Mortal Kombat was freaking awesome!!! The sequel was trash…total trash!). That’s one of the things preventing any studio from trying to bring The Legend Of Zelda to the big screen. There’s not a studio in all of Hollywood that wants to be the one to produce a craptacular Zelda film. Which leads me to..
4. The Studios Are Pussies!
Like I said before, not a single studio wants to be the one to screw up Zelda! They’re afraid of the Super Mario Curse, a curse that’s plagued VG Movies ever since ’93! They don’t want to disappoint the Zelda fans, nor do they want to alienate non-players and pure movie fans that don’t know the difference between Hyrulians and Keebler Cookie Elves! It’s a double edged sword. If you mess up on either side, you’re gonna find yourself with a band new a-hole! Now, don’t get it twisted. The studios don’t really give a rat’s ass about us or them. They care about green, a.k.a the dead presidents. If they think it’ll make them money, you’re damn skippy they’re gonna try to do their best at making the best movie possible. As long as it makes money. I guarantee you this: If Assassin’s Creed and Warcraft ( the next two VG based films due out in the next couple years) are huge, gigantic, mega blockbusters, then hell yeah! Zelda will not be far behind!
3. It’s Too Darn Epic
The Legend Of Zelda is, bar none, the most EPIC video game of all time! It’s literally made that way. Each game is a journey of epic proportions. Even the handheld installments like Minish Cap, Four Swords and Link Between Worlds are sprawling adventures that take you to different lands and dimensions. Every game has its own narrative, but plays a part in the overall epic tale that is The Legend of Zelda! Another thing you have to take into consideration is where do you begin?! Sure, logically you would want to start with the first game, but as Hyrule Historia has taught us, the story trully begins with Skyward Sword! But Ocarina of Time and Twilight Princess have much deeper and compeling stories. Where do you begin?!
2. The Rent Is Too Damn High!!!
We are still quoting that guy with the testicle-shaped beard on his chin, right?.. Right?! Anyways, if a studio was to put the plan in to motion for a Zelda flick, it would most likely be made to be a trilogy! However, without factoring that fact in at all, the first film alone would have to cost roughly about $40-80 million! That’s probably not even including the preproduction costs…maybe!! So what studio is going to want to risk that much cash on a potentiol flop!? I do not use the term “flop” loosely. Of course opening weekend for a Zelda movie is gonna be ginormous, but word of mouth is like wildfire these days. Word of mouth can make or break a movie’s following week revenue. Take Guardians of The Galaxy into account. That movie is still number one in its…what, fourth or fifth week!? That’s the power of word of mouth! People go see it. It’s spectacular! They tell their friends to go see it, whether it be face-to-face or all over social media and whatnot! So, should Zelda open. God forbid, it sucks holy hellfire! Word of mouth will sink that boat faster then the Titanic!
1. Nintendo Said NO!!!
Nintendo’s president, (insert Japanese or Chinese,name here! Just kidding, that’s racist…but I seriously, I can’t tell!) Satoru Iwata (Japanese! Just googled him…he’s Japanese…please no hate mail!) has been quoted on some occasions, when asked about a Zelda movie, to saying that Nintendo itself would produce such a film and not have an “American” studio produce it. Some speculate Nintendo is still pissed with “Mario-Gate ’93” and is afraid to allow any of thier properties be made into feature films by American studios…so they say! I’m not saying it’s true, but I would not be surprised if it is! And honestly…I dont blame him. This is Zelda we’re talking about here. The greatest adventure game of ALL TIME! You can’t leave it up to chance! It has to be done right or not at all!!
I, for one, hope to see a Zelda movie in my lifetime, whether it’s animated or live action. Anything would be nice at this point! It’s something that needs to happen! Heres hoping!
Thats gonna shut me up for now! Be sure to check out my blog Insidethemultiverse.wordpress.com on a future follow up to this blog ( I’m working on a title! Don’t rush me!). Also, if you have anything to say about my views here. I dare you to come say it to my face!! OR, you can hit me up on twitter @GonzoNeo or you can comment somewhere below! Thanks for joining me.
So, until next time folks…peace out!