Why The New Batman Shouldn’t Rip Off “THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS”

More troubling news from the newest Superman/Batman movie.

Frank Miller, once a great comic book writer, now a professional hack who brought such crapola as The Spirit to existence, was apparently approached by Zack “Slow Motion” Snyder recently for advice on the new movie starring both Superman and Batman.

Even worse, the movie is quickly becoming a direct adaptation of Miller’s most well known work, The Dark Knight Returns, where Superman is a government stooge and Batman is an old fart.

I’d like to mention here that this is not an indictment of the comic book. As we all know, it’s quite good. But this new movie is getting lazier and lazier the more I’m hearing about it.

This just in from Batman-On-Film (which in turn went to IGN):

“fans should start thinking about dudes who are a very good actors and are in their 40s, like… Josh Duhamel, Jude Law, Gerard Butler, Josh Brolin, Jon Hamm, Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, Jim Caviezel, etc.”

Batman: not a man with whom to fuck.

C’mon. You guys aren’t even trying anymore.

This could very well be the laziest choices for a beloved film role that we’ve seen yet. These guys have been tossed at superhero roles for damn near a decade now, and none of them would be good fits for either character. Jon Hamm will probably be the only one people are enthusiastic for.

Besides, Pitt wouldn’t ever do that, he’s settled into a dramatic phase in his career and doesn’t need it. Affleck just won an Oscar, and won’t ever try to be a superhero again after Daredevil.

Generally the best choices for superheroes are relatively unknown actors. Of course, this may not be entirely true since the vast majority of them are male. But even for women this has worked. Both Jennifer Lawrence and Chloe Moretz were virtual unknowns when chosen to be Mystique and Hit-Girl, respectively. The only exception in that case would be Scarlett Johansson, who was already famous when picked to be Black Widow, but kicked ass anyway.

But for every ScarJo, we have a Ryan Reynolds. For every Mark Ruffalo, we have a Jennifer Garner. Stop throwing famous people at the roles, most of them get by only on their looks. Give us someone unconventional like a Robert Downey, Jr. Give us a Michael Fassbender, a James McAvoy, a Tom Hiddleston, an Andrew Garfield. It’s been proven time and time again that the unconventional choice works.

Author’s Note: Ryan Reynolds has replaced Ben Affleck in the Superhero Movie Wall of Shame, simply because this article was written before Affleck’s casting as the next Batman. Sorry, Ryan, I loved you in Van Wilder.

Note: I like Tobey Maguire and Garfield equally as Spider-Man. Personal opinion.

But even worse is the film’s strange obsession with that damn Frank Miller comic book. Yes, it’s one of the most proficient graphic novels ever published, but that doesn’t mean you should ride on its coattails. It already has an animated film, two of them.

I wouldn’t even mind Batman being older if it wasn’t for the sudden ending of Chris Nolan’s trilogy only last year, with a middle-aged Batman. Simply put, the newest film, if it goes in this direction, would not only be ripping off Frank Miller AND Nolan, but also have a rebooted Batman who’d be operating for close to twenty years without being discovered.

I also can’t find the quote for it, but I do remember screenwriter David Goyer stating that Superman, in the rebooted DC Cinematic Universe, would be the first and primary superhero. Which would make the middle aged Batman even more pointless, considering that he would have literally started ten years later than the last two versions of him did.

I know that my personal preference of Superman over Batman is giving this article a bit of a bias. I apologize for that.

But try something new with the characters, please. Don’t have them fight each other, Avengers already beat you to that. Make it natural, don’t try to geek out the audience, because it won’t work.

And please, Zacky baby, don’t take Frank Miller seriously. The man hasn’t done anything of substance in quite a while. And The Spirit was one of the worst films of the last ten years. He’s lost his touch. AVOID HIM.

“You know, we were both in shape last time we met.”