Earlier today Fox broke the news that they’re planning multiple sequels to this year’s surprise blockbuster Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

I have to admit, Rise was one of my least anticipated movies of the summer. After looking at a few trailers, I quickly dismissed it as another typical Hollywood reboot…but I was proven wrong. Director Rupert Wyatt displayed brilliant vision as he navigated the tricky waters of rehashing a venerated franchise and he was accompanied by motion capture veteran Andy Serkis, who stunned audiences with his portrayal of the highly evolved chimp revolutionary Caesar. Both men have signed on for the sequels, so I’m hoping that the staggering quality of the first film will continue into the rest of the series.

Even though I have a bit of confidence in Wyatt and Serkis, I wouldn’t be a true fanboy if I didn’t offer a few suggestions. So without further ado…

5) MORE ACTION SCENES

Rise had some fairly decent fight scenes but they still left me wanting more. That can be interpreted as a sign of Rupert Wyatt’s genius…he gave us a few great, action filled brawls, but just enough to engage us in the story. While I understand that he wanted to humanize this particular Apes tale, I still need more action. Especially with this first sequel, I think it’s safe to assume that there’ll be a greater conflict with the dwindling human population…and that conflict should be fully realized in an epic Primate Battle Royale.

I’m in no way bashing this first film. Who doesn’t like seeing Draco Malfoy getting beat down by a talking chimp? Do you remember when that bullet riddled Gorilla sacrificed himself to save Caesar? That was easily one of the most epic moments in the entire film!!! But let’s face the facts, I’m a greedy fanboy and I want more.

4) THIS ISN’T “PLANET OF THE CHIMPS”…DIVERSIFY THE APES!!!

As much as I loved Caesar, I still think that Chimpanzees are gross, ugly, and stinky. There’s just something infinitely more regal about the wise Orangutan or the stoic, imposing Gorilla. But it didn’t really help that most of the Chimps were assholes in the film, either.

How cool would it be to see talking Baboons or tiny, upright walking Tarsirs? Bring on the primate family reunion!

3) MAKE THE TALKING APES LESS CREEPY

In Rise, Caesar was the only primate able to speak but I’m convinced that will change in this next film. Following the seeds of Caesar’s revolution, more and more apes will probably develop the ability to converse…and let’s just hope it’s not creepy. Don’t get me wrong, the few times when Caesar spoke in Rise were the two most moving parts of the film, but I’m not sure if I can handle another two hours of that raspy demon voice. Wyatt needs to figure out a way to make the voices more palatable while preserving their slightly inhuman sound.

2) NO MONKEY LOVE

Like we’ve been saying, the next film will probably be consumed by the creation of Caesar’s new primate society. It had it’s beginnings in the last movie, when the apes stormed across the Golden Gate Bridge and swung into the Redood Forest. But my fear, what I dread with all of my soul, is that they’ll need to introduce some type of love interest for Caesar in order to make the film more appealoing to the mass market. Considering how anatomically correct WETA designed these poop-flinging apes, any romance could definitely take a turn for the grotesque. I’ve been to the Zoo enough times to know one things…monkey sex is just plain grody.

 

1) GIVE ANDY SERKIS A DAMN Oscar already

Seriously…what the hell does this guy have to do to get an Academy Award. It’s bad enough that Andy Serkis has been forced off screen into the world of motion-capture performances, but at least give the man his proper credit. He’s an absolute master of his craft and other than Doug Jones, Serkis is the best motion-capture actor that Hollywood’s ever seen. The man’s starred in The Lord of the Rings, King Kong, and The Adventures of Tintin…give him an award already!!!