I miss Judith Hoag’s April O’ Neil

I wanted to like the new 2014 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Flick.  I really did.  Nothing from the trailers impressed me, and none of the reviews I heard intrigued me either.  Because of this I waited for the Blu-Ray release and to get the disc from Netflix.  I didn’t enjoy the film for a great number of reasons, but one in particular inspired me to sit down and write this.


Michelangelo sexually harasses April through the entire film, it just happens.  He makes erection jokes, and refers to her as his girlfriend constantly.  This seriously makes up the bulk of his dialogue.  I could look past the obvious mechanical issues of Megan Fox fucking a 7 foot tall turtle, I could.  I mean this is a story about mutant turtles that started as a goof on Daredevil.  What I cannot look beyond is that Megan Fox’s April O’ Neil never indicates to Michelangelo that this is something she enjoys.  All the lines are left to stand for themselves.  Despite the more conservative attire Fox sports, April has never been sexualized to this level.  The writers even have April hang out of a truck simply to make a joke about Verne staring at her ass.


I miss Judith Hoag’s April.  I miss her snapping at Casey for his condescending language when he calls her toots.  And when they kiss at the end of the film it is on her terms.   Hoag’s April doesn’t lead the foot clan to the turtle’s sewer hideout.  She isn’t so obviously played by the film’s villain, and is good enough at her job to be forced out for political reasons.


When we switch gender roles, let’s look back Wayne’s World and Lara Flynn Boyle’s Stacy.  She was Wayne’s ex girlfriend and a ‘psycho hose beast’ because she couldn’t take a hint that Wayne no longer dug her.  The fact that it is Michelangelo the fun turtle that exhibits this behavior also works to allow the audience to justify the behavior, and if anyone is upset by it, they need to lighten up.  It’s all in good fun.  Michelangelo is the funny one?

So, Should I lighten up?  Or do you miss Judith Hoag as well.

Mr. Gott is the author of the Fanboy Horror Hybrid Rising Dead, click HERE for a free short story or Novella