Everything About the AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #1 Teaser is Wrong

By Jasper C-H on Wednesday, September 9th, 2015

I don’t read comics, so whenever news like this hits I always get a little lost. The new Amazing Spider-Man comics are part of the All-New, All-Different Marvel range, which doesn’t make a lot of sense to me – is it a relaunch? I thought Marvel NOW! was a relaunch. And people wonder why comics aren’t as popular anymore…

Back in July, we ran a variant cover for issue #1 which didn’t exactly hook me on this new series, and this latest teaser image and description only makes matters worse. Not only is the return of the Spider-Mobile confirmed (featuring Mockingbird), but Spidey is now a complete Iron Man rip-off – and not the modern Iron Man. Take a look…

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #1
DAN SLOTT (w) • GIUSEPPE CAMUNCOLI (a)
Spider-Man has gone global! Parker Industries is more successful than ever, with offices in New York, Shanghai, London and San Francisco and Peter Parker is racking up the frequent flyer miles with his “bodyguard” Spider-Man in tow, of course. But success breeds enemies and a reinvigorated Zodiac have also widened their scope to threaten the whole world. Join Dan Slott and Giuseppe Camuncoli as they take Spider-Man to the next level! This huge first issue also includes stories featuring Silk, Spidey 2099, Spider-Woman and much more!

There is so much which is wrong with everything above that I don’t know where to start.

So – the car. As the obvious states, there is literally no reason for the Spider-Mobile to exist. He can swing from builing to building and climb walls, which immediately nullifies the need for a vehicle. New York is also really fucking busy. All it would do is slow him down.

Now, Dan Slott did actually address this issue in a tweet, but I still don’t completely get the reasoning behind its inclusion.

@PaulRom95 @Josh_Wilding Hi. Spidey is going to step up his game and operate globally. And not all cities have tall buildings to swing from.

— Dan Slott (@DanSlott) September 9, 2015

All of the cities listed in the description do have tall buildings to swing from, so unless he’ll be visiting some other places I don’t get the need. Is it really such a superficial reason as “it’s cool”? Because I’ve never really considered Peter Parker, or much about him, to be “cool”.

By using Parker Industries or some crap, you’re completely changing the character and making him something of an aspirational figure but for all the wrong reasons. Tony Stark is that kind of guy; you’re supposed to want all his cool equipment and cars and the hot girls. Peter Parker was created to be the relatable superhero. He has to juggle being a superhero with his Aunt May and with school, and if he missed class because he was too busy punching Doc Ock and saving New York then he would get into trouble – even though he just saved all of their asses. His life is unfair because our lives are unfair. Peter Parker is supposed to be our kind of superhero, the kind that young people can relate to on an emotional level.

And the idea that Spider-Man is a bodyguard is completely ripped from classic Iron Man.

No, it wasn’t Peter who started this business – that was Otto Octavius inhabiting his body – but I’m pretty sure the character who was originally created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby wouldn’t have actually kept and run it; he wouldn’t know what to do with it or himself. Honestly, I wasn’t just exaggerating for the sake of it when I said everything about it was wrong – it’s all wrong. It’s not Peter Parker. It’s not Spider-Man. It just reeks of a company derived of ideas, having to resort to repeating storylines and characters and then trying to brand it as something “all-new”. It’s not new – it’s fucking stupid.

The idea that Spider-Man needs to “step up his game” is also weird and ill-fitting for the character. It’s the equivalent of Daredevil joining the Guardians of the Galaxy. Why does Spidey care about what’s going on in the rest of the world unless it directly affects New York or the people he loves? Yeah, he’s not a kid anymore in this canon, but that doesn’t change what Spider-Man is: a street-level hero. It’s times like these when I’m glad Marvel Studios exists.

I’m sorry – I went “full fanboy”. Never go full fanboy. I just care a lot about Spider-Man, y’know?

Perhaps this new series will actually be good. Sometimes change like this can work, so long as it’s within the limits of the character. If it’s all about Peter struggling to keep himself in balance as the head of a multi-national corporation and yearning for the days when he was just a simple crime-fighter in Queens, then maybe it could work. However, judging from how smug he looks with those girls around his arms above, and how he seems pretty excited to be driving the Spider-Mobile, I really doubt that’s what will happen. It’s tough to keep Marvel Comics fresh after so many decades, but the movies are evidence that it can work. All they need to do is tell stories that feel natural for the characters, which will in turn make general masses more comfortable with picking up copies. If you’re confusing a massive geek like me with the bazillion alternate solo comics for Wolverine or whoever being printed then you’re sure as hell putting off Joe Average.

All-New, All-Different Amazing Spider-Man #1 is out October 7th.