You’ll Never Believe Who’s The New SPIDER-MAN. Tobey’s Back!!!

Yep. Tobey Maguire, the original Spider-Man of “Emo Dancing” fame, is returning to the silver screen as our favorite webhead. In a joint press release, Marvel Studios and Sony Pictures unveiled their new casting just weeks before the release of Avengers: Age of Ultron… as if that guaranteed-blockbuster needed any more buzz. Now the streets will be lined with fanboys and fangirls, ladened in popcorn-grease stained shirts, chanting like a horde of Raccoon City zombies “Tobey after credit scene! Tahhhhhhbey after credit scene!!! Spider-Man … blah blah blah… brains… hail hydra!”

This decision comes as a huge shock to all (especially fans of the Ultimate Universe’s Miles Morales), as recent reports indicated that Marvel sought a high school aged, preferably minority, actor for the role of Peter Parker. But I guess that’s just the way this whole ‘geek rumor news’ world rolls.

Here’s Marvel’s official tweet on the matter:

I don’t know how to feel about this. It’s a whirlwind of geeky, angsty emotions. On one hand, my inner 2000’s fanboy is absolutely geeking out. Tobey Maguire is THE king of superheroes. Well, he WAS the king of superheroes, and I’m absolutely pumped to watch that old dog school Marvel Studios’ current crop of actors.

But then again… I’m a bit partial to Miles Morales. He’s young, cool, and has a super sweet sling of new powers. I’ve always dreamed of seeing that Half-Rican swing around on the silver screen, with one hand on his web and another high fiving Stan Lee in the world’s cheesiest cameo.

Still, TOBEY FREAKING MAGUIRE is returning!!! I mean… he’s just the epitome of Peter Parker. Moreso than Andrew Garfield, who only ever served a lukewarm rendition of the classic science nerd. Seriously… how many skateboard montages does a single Spider-Man flick need? I know it was only one, but it scarred me!

Tobey’s back!!! What does this mean for the MCU? Will we receive a sneak peak in Avengers: Age of Ultron? Now that we’ve cast an older Spider-Man, will Kevin Feige retroactively integrate the original Spider-Man Trilogy into the MCU’s canon? Will Spider-Man actually unmask in next year’s Captain America: The Winter Soldier?

I just gotta know! This is AWESOME! SPECTACULAR!!!

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Amazing!!!