IF MICHAEL BAY DIRECTS AGAIN I’M LEAVING EARTH!

The latest news coming out of Paramount is that Michael Bay will be returning for a fourth installment of the Transformers franchise. If he does, then I have committed myself to leaving this damned robot-loving planet.

Let me be honest, I’m not your typical Bay-hating Transformers fanboy. I don’t spend hours a week feverishly pouring over classic episodes from the 1980’s series and I’ve never purchased one of the original Hasbro toys. Hell, I favor the 90’s Beast Wars myself…sacrilege, I know.

I dislike Micahel Bay’s take on the “Robots in Disguise” for a different reason. Somehow, through every over-sized explosion and twenty minute fight scene, he’s managed to make action movies boring. I don’t know how, and I can’t really fathom why, but Bay has turned the robot brawling action of the Transformers into a snooze fest. All of this seems pretty bizarre considering all of the life-threatening battles and the pulse pounding trots with Shia (insert “Bumblbee!!!!!” joke)…but it’s true.

While some of you might be able to passively observe these films’ releases, I can’t stomach another one. And for that reason, if T4 ever sees the light of day, I will leave Earth in a gigantic space ship courtesy of Cybertron Airlines. If you’d like to join me, sound off in the comments below.