A “Smallville” sequel is in the works? Let the ‘hating’ commence

I don’t know when this happened, but Smallville is getting a sequel…maybe. That’s right, the television series that shamelessly amalgamated the epic, super-hero origins of Superman with the melodramatic, sentimentality of the WB’s primetime dramas may actually be getting another shot. And we owe it all to the show’s unfailingly loyal fans…what assholes.

I remember watching Smallville when it premiered way back in the fall of 2001, a year after the first X-Men flick had stormed onto theatres across the country, bringing super hero films back to central stage. Just like all pre-pubescent, hero-obsessed kid, I tuned into the WB every Thursday night at 8 that fall to get my weekly fix of the caped boyscout. But I quickly realized that Smallville wasn’t really a show about Superman’s origins, or really a ‘super-hero’ show at all. Instead, the WB had created a “7th Heaven” rip-off with a light sprinkling of DC comics charm. And even though I quickly realized that the show wasn’t actually about the super exploits of a boyhood Clark Kent, I still came back every week…hoping that eventually, if I proved myself loyal, I would be granted at least one, just one, epic fight scene. I stayed like that for two whole seasons, and after becoming thoroughly accustomed to the show’s mediocrity, I was forced to abandon it. I would tune in every now and then, just to reaffirm my decision to leave and I remember seeing the sad portrayal of classic DC characters like Green Arrow, Aquaman, and Doomsday. All of which just made me hate the series even more.

This past May, two years after the series’s creators abandoned the show, Smallville was finally taken off the air. In my opinion, the show should have been canceled a long, long time ago. But like I’ve said before, we owe its longevity to those same asshole fans…those basement dwelling, Cheetos devouring, creatures of the dark. Still…after ten long, cringe-worthy seasons, the show was finally done…or so I thought.

Ever since Smallville left for the sad world of syndication, its fans have come out in arms, clamouring for a sequel. While actually good shows like Firefly, Arrested Development, and Kitchen Confidential have been forgotten and left to decay…Smallville might actually come back.

In a recent update on the notoriously unreliable IMDB, a new entry has been posted for Metropolis. This is supposed to be the next entry in Supes’s WB saga, following his career as a gloomy, melodramatic caped boyscout. While most of the entry’s information seems to be accurate, a few idiosyncrasies make me believe this is a hoax. The most important among these is the listing of Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, Smallville‘s creators who left the show in 2008, as producers on the new project. While this very thought is enough to make the show’s fans cream their pants, I’m happy to declare that their listing on the crew list makes the entire project impossible. Both men are involved in a massive lawsuit against Warner Bros., and there’s enough bad blood between both parties to ensure that they’ll never work together again.

So here we are…with a rumor and suspicious evidence. While I hope that Smallville and any of its possible spinoffs are dead and done, I cannot under-estimate the tenacity of their ridiculous, Tom Welling obsessed fan base. All I know is this…if a new series Metropolis actually sees the light of day, I will personally take a runny, cabbage filled revenge poop on every member of its nefarious cast and crew.