As a man who centers his entire year around the convention scene, I truly feel for the legions of fan boys and fan girls yearning for tickets to the San Diego Comic Con. If you are one of these fans who has not seen the news, I am here to break it to you, it sold out and your year totally stinks. But since I am the king of negativity, I am here to help you!

1. Lame Cosplay

Five hundred million Avengers cosplayers and only two people dressed as Magneto (dang you ignorant sheep following whatever Disney shoves down your throat, Mutant rights now!!!)

2. Where Are Your Friends?

Losing the people you came with and spending half your day finding them in a sea of geeks and geekettes (many of them that fit stereotype and really did not shower).

3. I’m Talking About Real Fake Geeks

I don’t ever want to see that face again!

Having outsiders infiltrate our ranks to pose as geeks and take pictures of us real geeks like we are animals at the zoo (Many of the tickets were sold to these Big Bang fans-we should definitely destroy them).

4. Go For Broke

The fact that you still are a broke sap who spent all your money on a ticket, could notmake a decent costume so you ended up looking sort of like a homeless Cyclops after the entire Marvel universe whooped his butt (admittedly, your costume is still cooler than the Avengers ones- Cyclops was right!!).

5. Your Significant Other’s Righteous Rage

You spend all your money on comics and your girl (or man) wants to kill you (not nice kill you Doc-Ock style, really mean kill you Daken=trying-to-kill-his-dad style).

6. Even in A Sea of Geeks, You’re Not Cool

80% of the convention has nooooothing to do with comics and you are still the outsider dork surrounded by people nothing like you!!!!  Not to be harsh, or anything.  Believe me, I feel your pain!

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Jay Deitcher, LMSW(@mrdeitcher) is an educator on comic history and runs successful Free Comic Book Day events yearly.  You can see a listing of his incredible articles at JayDeitcher.com.