Vin Diesel is a name that keeps me up at night, he is someone with only one real application in terms of acting. If I had it my way, the man would stay the hell away from the Marvel Universe. At this point I realize this idea is completely unrealistic as the film properties are bigger than life itself. If this actually were to happen, there are a few places where I could grit my teeth and pretend he was not on the screen. It’s not that I hate the actor, it’s just that these films may not be right for his unique style of acting. Without further ado, enjoy the list of roles that would make me cry the least.

   3)Thanos

While the idea of this may be painful for me to stomach as this is an important character to me, he may be the actor for the role. Thanos has always been a slimy douchebag ever since his inception. He has come so close to defeating almost every single hero in the Marvel Universe on at least two different occasions in the comics. Vin Diesel is indeed badass enough to tackle the villain inside of creator Jim Starlin’s mind. One thing that is important to understand about Thanos is that he is more of a symbol than an actual character, he is a beacon of death wreaking havoc upon the world at large. The point is that he has to be fucking imposing or it does not actually work. The actor will have to play up the dick part of his personality, also the character may only require voice acting. His appearance in the end of The Avengers had a computer generated version of him.

2)The Punisher

Who can punish evil better than fucking Vin Diesel. This is a machismo role made for someone who can command the screen as a threat. If there were some way to downplay the actual appearance of The Punisher himself, similar to Greg Rucka’s recent series the character would seem like more a of a threat to the audience. If he popped up briefly for a quick rough and tumble then flashed across the screen, leaving the heroes to witness the horrors he inflicted it would be a fantastic new way to portray him on screen. This is the anti-hero to destroy all anti-heroes! Similar to Thanos The Punisher less of a character than a beacon, the man means some harcore trouble when he pops into a story. The Punisher was originally created by Gerry Conway who only envisioned him as a supporting cast member, in my opinion that is the place in which he works the best.

1)Groot

Roll with me, yes Groot is essentially an overgrown tree that cannot really do anything but say what his name is. Using the actor comically would definitely have some detractors among the internets. Frankly I don’t really give a shit, because most people bitching probably have not even read a comic book about the character. Groot is just an understated badass that first appears as a small potted plant. There is nothing funnier than picturing Diesel as a potted plant, I do not care what you have to say. Finally when the going gets tough, the tree gets big and inflicts a physical pain inferno among his enemies. Obviously there would be only one line for the actor. This could seem to kind of throw away this character, but there are many people going to see Guardians Of The Galaxy to see a tree and a raccoon shoot the shit. He is going to need some major chemistry with Rocket Racoon or the relationship will not work. Vin is also going to have to really change up some of the standard line delivery to keep the audience interested in what he has to say. If there are any roles in the MU made for Diesel this clean and simple is definitely the one.

Of course there also some honorable mentions for the action movie hero.

3) A Random Shield Agent

Throwing Diesel next to Sam Jackson would be absolutely hilarious, as would placing him to next to his rival in badassery. This may never work but be funny as all shit!

2)Sentry, Moon Knight, Ares, other MU badasses

Obviously he could play any of these roles just fine. The real question is, why would you want to? This is all stuff he could act with eyes closed, and frankly he could not do justice to any of the source material created there.

1) THE F___ING DAZZLER!

You know you want it! Who would play the Dazzler better than the king of badass himself! This move would definitely be the most controversial move the Cinematic Marvel Universe has ever made, but it would also be the most fucking awesome. Is there any other actor on the planet you want to see glowing and dancing at the same time? The answer here should be no, because it does not get better than that. Screw him playing Groot, this is the role that Diesel was born to play in this world.

There you have it, we have achieved perfect casting for one of the most popular actors on this side of the planet!