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Oh. Mah. Gawd.

I can’t believe I’ve lived to see the day when Star Wars Battlefront 3 (technically called Star Wars Battlefront) is finally, OFFICIALLY announced. It’s been over 8 years since the release of the last console iteration in the series, and I’ve been absolutely starving for another epic addition. After all these years I can finally settle the debate: “Who’s better, me, or that Imperial Shuttle spamming asshole who goes by the name of Baxter”.

You see, when I was just a young boy, I had a friend by the name of Baxter. He was a blond haired, blue eyed video game freak with a particularly weird set of dance moves (which necessitated absolute nudity), and we spent many hours in my dark basement, toiling away at Star Wars Battlefront 2‘s Galactic Conquest mode. I was always the rebels, since I’ve never liked associating with Imperial scum, and he would always select… well he always chose the Empire, of course. Now, if you remember any particulars about the game, there was one space ship that was absolutely broken/unbeatable/dickish… the Imperial Shuttle. Its missiles had a quick reload time and if you took the time to master their uber-cheap mechanics, the projectiles were essentially a one-shot skill.

Guess what? Baxter, being the cheap asshole that he is, mastered the art of the Imperial Shuttle, which meant I could never defeat him in space battles… which meant that he was invincible as long as he had one Star Destroyer.

He built 7. Every. F**king. Time.

I swear to God, Baxter, if I ever see you again, I’m gonna a;sldj fopiwej fopingpoidsopihf;oi!”!!@T’

Whoa. Sorry about that. I got a little angry. And there’s not need for a bout of rage on a day like today. Battlefront 3 is finally here! EA’s actually released a short snippet of footage from the game (we just pasted it up top) but it featured the massive iron foot of an AT-AT curb-stomping a rebel ship. Thankfully, the game looks parsecs ahead (see what I did there?) of the defunct First Assault series, which was meant to be a spiritual successor to Battlefront. With a new lease on life, the game will utilize the Frostbite 3 engine. Awesome, right?

But seriously. Baxter, I’m coming for that ass… bitch.

S#!T Talking Central

  • Baxter


    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=15935803 Fats Mclemlich

      you would!