Remember back in the day, when the X-Men were cooler than Iceman’s vacation to Hoth? I’m talking ’bout the height of their popularity- the mid 90’s, baby! But like the Spice Girls, Pogs, slap bracelets and flannel, some things cannot stay hip forever. Today we are looking at:
The Top 5 Totally Lame X-Men Who Used To Be Cool
Bishop used to be totally bad@$$. The timeline from which he originated was a complete warzone, yet he continued to fight for Xavier’s dream against all odds. He was the epitomy of 90’s cool- a ridiculously ripped, time traveling anti-hero with big guns. He even had a cool as heck eye tattoo. Flash forward twenty years, and somehow he became the dude that tried to kill a baby. Yeah, you read that right, his arch-enemy is an infant. And while fighting with the baby, Bishop accidently shot Professor X. But, here is the worst part, after the “villain” turn and some more time-warpy fun, when Marvel decided to bring him back they hardly acknowledged the attempted baby-murder fiasco.
Back in the 90’s, Beastie boy was the super-smart, fuzzy scientist dude who made clever jokes and dated hot human newscasters. Today, he is the original X-Man who stabbed his friends in the back and pretty much destroyed the time stream. Yup, he sucks.
Believe it or not, Gambit used to be the dude every teenaged boy wanted to be. He was the definition of mutant swag. Gambit was the ragin’ Cajun, exotic and smooth; all the ladies loved him, but his heart belonged to one of the most gorgeous women in comics- Rogue. Gambit was a mysterious bad boy who overcame his dark past. Fast-forward twenty years, now Gambit is not even on a main X-team. Seriously, if the X-Men picked teams in gym class, he would be the dork no one wants to draft. He lost the girl, lost his cigarettes and now comes off as that thirty year old lame dude that always talks about his reputation in high school.
I still cannot believe this dude was ever cool. Just two years ago, the Dark Angel Saga was the most talked about comic in all of the multiverse. It was awesome because it took the blonde, pretty boy, millionaire schmuck and made him a totally hip, murderous madman. Of course, his lover Psylocke was forced to destroy his mind to stop him, and now he is a total pretty boy douche, again. Oy.
Wolverine used to be the indestructible, tortured, mysterious, anti-authority loner who hooked up with hot Japanese and Native American chicks. He was the dude who tamed his animalistic urges to stand for mutant rights. Today, he IS the damn authority! Seriously, he’s a member of the freakin’ Avengers- they’re the definition of “the man.” Oh yeah, how is this for rebellious? He’s a freakin’ headmaster of a school. He has no more mysterious back story because most of his origin has been told… and it includes him being a really, really rich kid. And his cool healing factor? It’s gone. I will never forgive this @$$hole for Avengers Vs. X-Men. He turned his back on his own people and if he had his way, would have killed Hope before she was able to resurrect the mutant gene. I try not to swear in my columns but screw it, fuck you, Wolvie.
Sooooooooo, who do you think shoulda made the list?