THE ROCK Wants To Be a JEDI… or SITH

Can you smell what Darth Rock is cooking?

Yeah, well, neither can I, but you can imagine… right? A nice fillet of Wookie (Sith Lords are awful hominid munchers), seared over a Death Star exhaust port, drizzled with a fine Mos Eisley Spice syrup. Or something like that.

Maybe I took that a bit too far. After all, I haven’t eaten yet today, so my dendrites aren’t firing at full capacity… so let me try to restart this little bit of fanboy news.

Apparently, Dwayne Johnson, the actor formerly known as The Rock, wants a role in J. J. Abrams’s STAR WARS EPISODE 7. While I personally share no affection for Johnson’s onscreen capabilities (his acting is kinda terrible… Yeah, I said it), he’d certainly make a menacing villain. Granted that he’s covered completely in black, scary Sith armor and dubbed with an intimidating fat dude’s voice. James Earl Jones might be a bit too old at this point, so I nominate John Goodman. Nothing scarier than a dude munching on a hoagie, shouting ancient Sith threats from across the buffet line “I find your lack of breadsticks disturbing!”

So there you have it… UTF’s official endorsement. The Rock’s Body. John Goodman’s voice.

And while we’re at it, Goodman also should make at least one Vietnam reference. Because what would the next Star Wars movie be without pop culture nods to The Big Lebowski?

He’s a scary dude

SOURCE: EB