Apparently Clerks 3 is well on its way to production. You know? That movie that Kevin Smith swore never to make?
I know I shouldn’t criticize the “Papa Fanboy” too harshly, but he’s really devolved into a petty, whiny fella in the past few years. I don’t say that with any ill intent, because one bearded fat fuck should never betray another, but Smith’s ego is just a tad bit out of control.
After enduring a tsunami of poor reviews for his last few feature films, Kevin Smith repeatedly announced that he’d soon retire from movies, claiming that he couldn’t bother trying to appease the greasy cogs of modern cinema. But after each of those flicks, he came back.
When the critics panned Cop Out, the jersey wearing wonder said he was done with Hollywood, but then he created an “art house” project named Red State that had studio ambitions, and when that was rejected, he returned to his usual form… “Fuck critics, man! My movies rock! I quit forever!”.And then he took all of his toys and ran home, swearing to never make a big flick again. Of course, he came back to make one last one, a hockey romp titled Hit Somebody (which will be turned into a mini-series), but he promised this was his last one. FOR REALS.
Then he hit the world with this little tweet…
So with the HIT SOMEBODY shift, the minute Jeff Anderson signs on, my last cinematic effort as a writer/director will be CLERKS III.
So what’s the point of it all? Why cry? Why call it quits if you’re just going to come back with your tail between your legs for one last go around? (even though I’ll enjoy the tits out of this flick when it releases).
I know this sounds like a metric ton of Smith bashing, and I suppose it is, but he’s gotta wake up from his ‘messiah of cinema’ fantasy. I love his movies, but they appeal to a very specific audience, and that audience is mostly comprised of Kevin Smith fanboys. He obviously isn’t pleasing the mainstream with his films, so why complain? He’s not a troubled artist who people struggle to understand. Almost everyone’s sampled his product, and those who’ve enjoyed it have faithfully followed him, and those who prefer other, more substantial offerings reject him. There’s no secret conspiracy of industry elitist hell bent on destroying Smith. It just doesn’t exist, and there’s no reason to entertain any notion of that.
Now, if I were to be completely objective, and compare Kevin Smith’s films to their genre peers (perhaps Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back vs. Paul ?), I’d have to admit that Smith’s are vastly inferior.
There’s too much going against his movies: poor action, ridiculous acting (sorry Jason Mewes), but above everything, there’s one obvious fault… face cringing preachiness. Save for a few characters with unique speech, all of them sound the same on screen as they hammer at the audience with trite social commentary disguised as dialogue. Those traits in a single character would be perfectly fine (charming in fact), but if every member of your cast is forced to portray the same personality, the whole situation falls from endearing to insincere. I still love Strike Back, and all of Kevin Smith’s movies for that matter, but in the way that a friend loves another friend’s stupid youtube video, not as “great art”.
Now, when he indulges in his childish rants against critics and film making, telling us, his fans, “This is really, FINALLY my last movie!”, only to completely betray that pledge and make another, how are we supposed to react? I for one would like to say…
I love you bro, but you gotta pull your shit together.
At least he’s as adorable as ever…