kevin smith rant

I Love Kevin Smith, But I Wish He’d Stop Whining

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Apparently Clerks 3 is well on its way to production.  You know?  That movie that Kevin Smith swore never to make?

I know I shouldn’t criticize the “Papa Fanboy” too harshly, but he’s really devolved into a petty, whiny fella in the past few years. I don’t say that with any ill intent, because one bearded fat fuck should never betray another, but Smith’s ego is just a tad bit out of control.

After enduring a tsunami of poor reviews for his last few feature films, Kevin Smith repeatedly announced that he’d soon retire from movies, claiming that he couldn’t bother trying to appease the greasy cogs of modern cinema. But after each of those flicks, he came back.

When the critics panned Cop Out, the jersey wearing wonder said he was done with Hollywood, but then he created an “art house” project named Red State that had studio ambitions, and when that was rejected, he returned to his usual form… “Fuck critics, man! My movies rock! I quit forever!”.And then he took all of his toys and ran home, swearing to never make a big flick again.   Of course, he came back to make one last one, a hockey romp titled Hit Somebody (which will be turned into a mini-series), but he promised this was his last one.  FOR REALS.

Then he hit the world with this little tweet…

So with the HIT SOMEBODY shift, the minute Jeff Anderson signs on, my last cinematic effort as a writer/director will be CLERKS III.

So what’s the point of it all?  Why cry?  Why call it quits if you’re just going to come back with your tail between your legs for one last go around? (even though I’ll enjoy the tits out of this flick when it releases).

I know this sounds like a metric ton of Smith bashing, and I suppose it is, but he’s gotta wake up from his ‘messiah of cinema’ fantasy. I love his movies, but they appeal to a very specific audience, and that audience is mostly comprised of Kevin Smith fanboys. He obviously isn’t pleasing the mainstream with his films, so why complain? He’s not a troubled artist who people struggle to understand. Almost everyone’s sampled his product, and those who’ve enjoyed it have faithfully followed him, and those who prefer other, more substantial offerings reject him. There’s no secret conspiracy of industry elitist hell bent on destroying Smith.  It just doesn’t exist, and there’s no reason to entertain any notion of that.

The secret guise of every film critic according to Smith

Now, if I were to be completely objective, and compare Kevin Smith’s films to their genre peers (perhaps Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back vs. Paul ?), I’d have to admit that Smith’s are vastly inferior.

There’s too much going against his movies: poor action, ridiculous acting (sorry Jason Mewes), but above everything, there’s one obvious fault… face cringing preachiness.  Save for a few characters with unique speech, all of them sound the same on screen as they hammer at the audience with trite social commentary disguised as dialogue.  Those traits in a single character would be perfectly fine (charming in fact), but if every member of your cast is forced to portray the same personality, the whole situation falls from endearing to insincere. I still love Strike Back, and all of Kevin Smith’s movies for that matter, but in the way that a friend loves another friend’s stupid youtube video, not as “great art”.

Now, when he indulges in his childish rants against critics and film making, telling us, his fans, “This is really, FINALLY my last movie!”, only to completely betray that pledge and make another, how are we supposed to react? I for one would like to say…

I love you bro, but you gotta pull your shit together.

At least he’s as adorable as ever…

S#!T Talking Central

  • Bb

    Maybe his becoming a stoner has something to do with it, I don’t know. I have to agree with your assessment though.

  • Bobwehadababyitsaboy

    Just Say No to Kevin Smith. Seriously. I enjoyed Clerks when I saw it the first time in the mid 90s. Since then, I’ve grown up and moved on. I’m amazed that anyone still has an interest in his work.

  • AlexanderG

    Just bores me.

  • mcGreg

    This is by far is so off target. I don’t know how you can come to all these conclusions by reading one tweet and a few other articles. His fall out of love with movie making had started when he made zack and mirri. Kevin Smith has on many occasions stated that was the point that stop being proactive but reactive to the audience. Also on many points that kevin has made during the last few years that he has had a story to tell of clerks 3 but he didn’t know what media to put it out on. So I genuine beleive that when he stated that Hit Somebody was going to be his last movie, it was the truth. No one, not even me, needs to write a story on what Kevin Smith is thinking when you can go strait to the horses mouth.
    This is the podcast where he discusses in great deal the proccess of the transition of Red State, Hit Somebody, and Clerks 3.

    • Fats Mclemlich

      I gotta love the guy, and i understand his point of view in those podcasts, but I wrote this thinking… “Dude, you’ll never be a Mendes or a Whedon or a Nolan.” That’s what movie critics are after anyway. His comments in the past were reactions to those critics. Especially after Zac & Miri and Cop Out. I don’t wanna compare Smith to Adam SAndler, BUT… just look at that guy. He makes critically panned movies (a lot of which are shit imo), but he has a faithful audience. He doesn’t scream “FOUL PLAY!” when people point out the flaws in his endeavors. He just keeps trucking along. KS should do the same, instead of semi-quitting, then returning, then semi-quitting again.

  • Gutheinz

    Wow dude yu have no idea what your talking about. How bout next time you want to talk shit about someone for no reason don’t hide behind being a fan and maybe do some research into what your writing about like a real journalist should. Cause this is just you hating and lazy journalism.

    • Magic Emperor

      Searching your feelings, butthurt fan. You know it be true.

  • Troof

    The biggest difference between you two bearded fat fucks is that Kevin Smth makes movies, you just talk about movies. Put your money where your mouth is THEN talk shit.

    • Fats Mclemlich

      Absolutely. I think Kevin Smith is sometimes right in that respect. Who doesn’t want to be a film maker? But that’s only true in the most superficial sense. The same way that everyone wants to rule the world and everyone wants to be President. It’s a very superficial way to look at something.

      Since the vast majority of us won’t become any of those things, it shouldn’t take away from our right to comment. I love the dude’s movies, don’t mistake that, BUT… I’m tired of his antics. And even if I didn’t like his movies, I think I have a right to call him out. He’s been really immature in the past few years.

  • VagueNom

    Opening line in the article is a lie. “Apparently Clerks 3 is well on its way to production.” It is far, FAR out from production. I love you bro, but you gotta pull YOUR shit together and actually report on a little something called “facts”.

  • TLS

    I’m a big KS fan, listen to a lot of his Smodcasts…and he’s making Clerks 3 because he feels he has something to say. He’s not stopping movies because of critics, either…do a little research…He’s had his day with movies and now he’s started SMODCO, a collection of podcasts. He does 5-6 of these alone, with others from the KS family as well.

    Check the link to the smodcast mcGreg posted, as he mentions it says it all there.

  • Matthew

    Wow…this saddens me because i enjoy reading from this website, but this is pure bullsh!t check your facts before you embarrass yourself haha…listen to the podcast listed below for the real deal k thanks

    • Fats Mclemlich

      Sorry to hear that we disappointed you! What exactly did we say that was wrong, though? At each of those instances in time, he’s been quoted with those remarks. Sure, he changes his mind a lot, and he’s allowed to do that, but the article argues that he shouldn’t make a public spectacle of his whining. I’m all in his corner, but that’s just annoying

  • Phil

    I love your work man, but there’s nothing you say that has any value. No seriously, I’m a huge fan but I gotta say you are a total tool. I mean it, I have loved everything you’ve ever written, it’s just that none of it is any good. In closing, rest assured you are a great guy, you just really suck.

    Get it?

  • bluntfire

    Smith never said he was retiring from movie making. He always said he wanted to make one more before he closed that chapter of his life, so why not make Clerks III? The man has a vision and if you don’t appreciate it, then don’t pay attention to it. It’s just that simple. I understand where you are coming from, though. What you do isn’t as original as what he does, so you wouldn’t understand. What will you do when you retire from blogging? I’m betting that there’s no way you would deviate from what you normally do for your last hurrah by, let’s say, writing a novel or maybe even a screenplay. I bet dollars to donuts that you would do what you regularly do: write something stating “Me Fat! Me Angry! Me Hungry! Me not like this but me must comment because me think me opinion important when in fact no one care about me! Me can’t get laid!!! Me Hungry!!!” Good day to you, sir.

  • FactPile

    Smith has a distinct voice in the market that while not insanely profitable, his style and products make money. As long as that continues, he’ll always have backers and bashers.

  • huntermc

    Kevin Smith’s got a right to change his mind, we all do. The only difference is that when we change our mind on something, we don’t have our previous utterings documented in dozens of podcasts and interviews, and have to justify our decisions to the world.