Damn you, James Cameron. Damn you to hell.
Is it not enough that I watched your Dances With Wolves sequel in 2009 (I still don’t completely understand how every Indian suddenly transformed into a giant blue person), but now I’ve got to watch 3 more sequels? Because that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Even though I’ll spend the next few years whining ceaselessly, on those fateful premiere nights, I’ll undoubtedly wander down to my local cinema, shell out $50 for a pair of 3D tickets (fawking inflation), and allow you to bore me to death for 4 hours.
I completely understand why you’d want to make these flicks. The first Avatar garnered $2.7 billion at the global box office. Don’t ask me how or why, I’m still strongly vested in my home brewed conspiracy theory (the Na’vi control the media!!!), but nevertheless, they made a ton of money. But we’ve all seen your bag of tricks, Cameron. Take a classic tale of uninhibited industrialism, perverted as capitalism, and place it firmly as the antagonist against the morally righteous environmentalists… and you’ve got yourself Avatar. BTW, does anyone else notice that their local hippies tend to crop dust the sidewalks with some totally harsh B.O. Shit makes my knees weak, but not in a sexual way. In a “Did the Germans just hit us with mustard gas” way.
But that’s neither here nor there, what’s important to remember int his entire situation is: NO MORE AVATAR MOVIES! Puh-lease!
Well, I suppose I’m willing to allow one or two sequels slip under my radar, as long as Cameron doesn’t completely rip off another classic film archetype. With rumors that Sam Worthington and his Na’vi princess will explore Pandora’s ocean depths catching the interwebs ablaze, an inherent amount of potential lays at the director’s feet. All he needs to do is avoid the “East meets West”, “Enemies become Friends”, “Every role in Kevin Costner’s Career in a Nutshell” booby traps, and he’s all set.
These three Avatar sequels will begin filming sometime next year, following Peter Jacksons “get ‘em done all at once” system. Look for their staggered, annual releases in 2016, 2017, and 2018.