thor jane foster

Will Jane Foster Die in THOR : THE DARK WORLD?

With the recent barrage of set photos and video of Natalie Portman leaked onto the wild interwebs, I’ve been wondering… will Jane Foster die in THOR : THE DARK WORLD?

It’s no secret that Natalie “Yes, I Was In Those God Awful Prequels” Portman isn’t a fan of her newest role as Thor’s damsel in distress. As a matter of fact, she wouldn’t have returned for this sequel if she wasn’t contractually obligated. So, why would Kevin Feige and the kind leaders of the MCU keep her under lock and key? For any number of reasons, it would make more sense to kill off her character and replace her with a love interest befitting the God of Thunder.

Not to go off on a tangent, because I really didn’t want to bring this up (OK, I kinda REALLY do), but how could a mere mortal withstand the Tunder-licious sex strokes of the Odinson? Every time Jane jumps in the sack she’s betting against an instant, awkward death… and a startling shock of lightning in her no-no parts.  No amount of Kegels could prepare you for a heroic boning of that caliber. After all, Thor stood toe-to-toe with The Incredible Hulk.

What a sex machine

But back to the main point… As much as I enjoyed Kenneth Branagh’s charming little romantic comedy in the first THOR, I don’t think Foster has much of a purpose. Combine that sentiment with the recently leaked film synopsis (SPOILER: Which claims Jane is throw into a semi-comatose state and ol’ Goldilocks must find a way to save her) and Portman will soon enough transform into the “Sam Witwicky” of the Marvel Universe. You know… because they don’t do much besides tripping up our onscreen heroes.

Between the contract scuffle, her character’s innate lameness, and Thor’s really hot buddy Sif ripe for the reaping (you could cut that sexual tension with a knife… or Asgardian dagger… or any number of phallic objects laying around the house), I think we may see her demise in THE DARK WORLD.

What say you?

Portman herself seems a bit worried about the matter…

S#!T Talking Central

  • Tim Boyer

    wow…really immature article. I can’t believe that your main point in writing this article was to suggest that Jane Foster wouldn’t be able to have sex with Thor. That is pretty dumb.

    • Fats Mclemlich

      My main point was her protests about coming back, but yes, i took an immature dive into the pool of boning talk

  • KL1992

    oh really? WTF! how they gonna say that will pepper potts die in iron man 3 and now they say jane foster will die in thor 2? who comes up with this crap

  • Ginny Adenoar

    there’s more chemistry between Thor and his hammer Mjolnir than Jane Foster

  • Kris

    I hope she dies 😛

  • Davisini Donaldo

    Jane cannot die! Jane is by far more attractive than Sif! Just imagine Sif & Loki having a son, two Asgardians. rejected/betrayed. by Thor, to battle Thor Asgardking? Or, Loki, disguised as Sif, kills Jane & Thor marries Amora leading into Thor invading Earth only to be defeated by Captain America or even Superman wielding Mjolnir! Great Avengers-Justice League. crossover!

  • Btrain

    Beautiful Article I would pay $100 for a butt naked Porno featuring Thor and Jane. With zap sounds and moaning. FTW!

  • marco

    i think she will die cuz her character was so unconsistent in the 1st Thor that, for me, is possible that this is gonna happen….and becouse Loki CAN’T DIE in is 3rd appereance, like Odin is (in some way) already died once and Thor’s mother death wouldn’t work the same way than Jane Foster’s death

  • marco

    oh..i forgot, what about Lady Sif?! come on! she should be the one for Thor