This article is dedicated to the great Jay Deitcher, who said some not so nice things about me yesterday, read the drama here!
SDCC 2013 is as crazy as a comic book convention can possibly get. There is just a swarm of people at every twist and turn. Sometimes individuals even forget basic motor skills. During my time as an attendee of the show I have seen many get wheeled off to the emergency room. That is not a joke, people get stupid and awkward when you cram them into a room and say shop! Like the idiotic consumer whore in which I often pretend like I am not, I waited in line to get Marvel exclusives and even managed to lose my damn debit card. This is not a fucking joke people, this is for real. Comic-Con is for the damn big leagues, and as far as I am concerned go all out. If you are not being that stupid nutty ass consumer whore, there is no fun to be had here. Let it all hang out and enjoy my day at SDCC 2013 without leaving your own house, that means you can enjoy this piece of fine writing without pants.
Upon arrival of house batshit crazy house of geeks, there is always that glimmering sparkle of beauty. A feeling that ends up being fleeting as you can begin to hear the smelly ass that is the other Comic-Con attendees. Still this temporary high permeates deep within my body every time I go up that glorious escalator. This should go without saying, but the cosplay was absolutely dumb, for fans of breasts this convention should be a delight. Frankly it contains so much cleavage at times that a man get completely desensitized. To be more honest it makes me sad, not every woman needs to show off her chest in order to get me interested in her costume. There are some incredibly well made outfits that seem to be devoid of taste. This is a with many diverse people, which means many different kinds of cos-players. Including those who do not feel the need to have that kind of exposure.
Now that this slightly serious rant has concluded I can get on to the next part of my day. This batch of single issues really speak for themselves. To be more accurate that DAMN price tag can speak for the comic book, and tell you more than you need to know. Even if you were to look at the flimsy piece of paper as an investment, who the hell would you sell it to? Of course if a buyer attended a good auction, they could make good on their investment. Also the entire article that I wrote thus far has been about going crazy, buy this so I don’t look really stupid. Someone please tell me that is enough of a reason to shit away almost 60 grand. Forget about the new car, do you really need it? Who NEEDS a house!
Next up was the sparse amount of shopping I did. Readers should take note that this is where I was just 100% idiotic. Yes, this is the point where I lost my credit card and bought a whole bunch of useless shit. The useless shit in question was purchased at the Marvel booth. They had some seriously cool exclusives there, including the stuff I bought contained two unique Rocket Raccoon Iphone cases and an Infinity tumbler. I feel almost completely guilt-free about laying down my 50 something dollars there. Most of these things are gifts people, and the people that have received them both let out a fucking squeal. That is an automatic sign that I did not fuck up, for once in my life. Anyway the tremendous line caused me to be late at my next panel, and an hour later I realized that my credit card was missing. The moral of the story is, do not be a dumb idiot.
My next panel previously mentioned was the Breaking Into Comics The Marvel Way. It really proved to me how there are some serious assholes at SDCC. People were doing the exact opposite of what they editors prompted them to do at the panel. THESE IDIOTS ARE TRYING TO GET A JOB, AND THROWING THINGS AT THE TALENT SCOUTS DURING THE PANEL. When on the floor feel free to be as dumb, stupid, idiotic, and annoying as you want. Treat the damn people on the panels with respect. That means you long beard guy that gave people other people shit for the fact that he was not writing anything. It also means you guy that fucking pointed at Axel Alonso trying to get his job, that shit is not cool. None of you are that guy though so just hang out relax and do not listen to anything that I just said, except for you!
On my way out of convention center I saw a teaser for Vikings in the shape of this giant boat. I am going to tell the truth here and say that I do not give a shit about this tv show. The spectacle that is this booth is too strong to ignore. This picture may not sell the fact that this is damn water slide. It is hot as “you know what in that convention center.” So I should not even have to tell you why this is amazing. Also who the hell comes to this event with a bathing suit, but more importantly who gives a shit? This is another one of those GO DO SOMETHING FUCKING STUPID MOMENTS. Don’t ask why, because there is no good answer. If you need further motivation go enjoy the burly women out front, they have something that actually covers their chest.
Next up is a small bar downtown that was my last destination of the day. It is funny then, because this also turned out to be dinner. Surprise, my fish tacos kicked some major ass all around. When I peaked at the drink menu at the table, I was not completely surprised to find the following up above. There was some pretty damn major Breaking Bad advertisements all around the convention. The menu featured up above was accompanied by a note left by show-runner Vince Gilligan himself. He gave major detail about the entirety of the ending to the show. Of course I am only joking and will have to wait to tune in with you, or did I just lie about a lie. These are the complex questions I ask myself while watching the show.
There you have it, my first packed day at the biggest nerd convention in the world. Now where is that whiskey?